I don’t have many life rules, but one that I do usually strictly enforce is ‘never eat at any restaurant that displays pictures of the food outside’. The only thing even worse than this, is where the actual food is displayed in glass cases outside to entice in the customer. It doesn’t.

However, if I were to apply my rule in Japan we would probably starve to death. I don’t think it’s possible to find anywhere that doesn’t display its wares outside and thank goodness they do, otherwise you would have no idea what to order.

Even better are the meal ‘vending machines’ that enable you to order quickly. It’s Japan’s fast food system. You walk up to what looks like a giant cabinet displaying numbered dishes of what appears to be actual food. I have no idea if the food it real and, if it is, how the soup stays in the bowls at that angle, or if they are just elaborate sculptures but they look appetising, unlike the plates of congealed egg and chips displayed in some cheap Spanish seaside resorts.

You choose the dish you fancy, move to the keypad and select the number of your dish, then pass your rail card over the card reader to pay and go inside to the counter to collect it and take it to your table. I feel it would be more impressive if your freshly cooked Udon noodles popped out of a slot ready to eat but, alas, they haven’t the technology to develop small enough chefs yet. I feel it’s only a matter of time.

Today began with a breakfast tour of the historic Tsukiji fish market, which was moved there after the great Kanto earthquake of 1923.

It was still pouring with rain so I put on my still damp shoes which were an inevitable consequence of being a smart Alec and insisting on travelling light☹️.

The market now sells some vegetables and meats alongside the fish and walking through it is an attack on the senses. It’s full of strange sights, sounds and smells. I have no idea what the majority of the things we saw actually were. The smells were interesting to say the least and the selection of food is alien and displayed like a work of art.

Considering it’s effectively a fish slaughter house it’s remarkably clean and sanitised and often beautifully presented

We started with breakfast, eating rice, grilled salmon belly, tuna and saba (mackerel) with wakame seaweed and miso soup. Fish and rice may seem an abnormal way to start the day and, like so many things here, it’s certainly different to what we’re used to, but it’s probably just as strange to the Japanese that the English traditionally eat fried pig slices, offal tubes and chicken ova at breakfast time.

Following breakfast we continued our tour to the second part of the market which was equally impressive. Brigitte, who knows her seafood, was shocked at the size of the oysters which were over 15cm long. The bottom left photo is a giant scallop that is nearly 30 cm.

Having stuffed ourselves with fish, we then went upstairs, sat down and we’re presented with yet more fish that our guide had been buying along the way for us to sample!

The long thin tray is traditional Katsuo Tataki (Bonito seared over a fire made of rice straw) plus various cuts of tuna, scallops and pickles.

Delicious, but no more fish today, thank you.

…then for dessert we went outside and had sweet bean curd – in a fish shaped pastry!

Apparently few Japanese admit to being religious but 67% say they have been to a Shinto shrine and 69% to a Buddhist temple in the last year. (Shrines are always Shinto, Temples always Buddhist). Shinto is about being one with nature. Buddhism, more about being one with self and finding enlightenment.

Here’s an interesting sign. We were told that, because the Japanese don’t pronounce the ‘r’, they didn’t bother to print it!

En route we passed by the Namiyoke Inari Shrine so we popped in for a look. Shrines are often built for a purpose and this one, because the surrounding land is low and adjacent to the sea, is there to protect from floods and tsunami. You go to a little window, make a donation and then you can ask a specific question ie, “is my business safe from a giant tsunami this week?” and you are given a straw, inside which is written your luck. If it’s good news, you thank the Gods, do some ceremonial hand-clapping in front of the God of the shrine and leave with a happy spring in your step. If the news is not so good, you take it to the tree and tie it to one of the branches, as you can see in the last picture below, and ask the God to change its mind.

Is it just me, or are there all sorts of ethical issues in this process? Who, for instance, gets to write out the lucky slips? Does one person do the happy notes and another the bad news ones? Does one apply to be the ‘bad news’ writer? What if a psychopath gets the bad news job? “Your business will be destroyed by a giant squid riding a surf board on the tsunami wave, brandishing samurai swords in each of its tentacles”. It may seems like a fun job at first but I bet it becomes tedious after a while and you long to write the happy notes. Who clears up the bad notes from the tree? Do they recycle them? If you keep getting the same luck note doesn’t it start to smell fishy? Doesn’t everything smell fishy next to the fish market?

I’ll stop now but so many questions remain..,

After our market trip it was back to the hotel for a siesta (old habits) and then we set out to the harbour area to visit the Team Labs ‘Planets’ exhibition which is “an immersive experience”. Team labs have these around the world and they get rave reviews so we went, and it was incredible. check out the website and find one close to you.

https://planets.teamlab.art/tokyo/jp/

We started off wading through water up to our knees, then I fell into a room with a very soft floor knee deep in beanbags. Then your senses are immersed in an incredible light show. This event is called water and gardens but each location has a different theme.

Due to fishy overload when we came out of the show we went to the local Italian, purly to convince our stomachs that we haven’t gone completely mad.

We placed our order and a few minutes later, as our stomachs looked forward to some typical Italian fare, an amuse bouche appeared – A Yorkshire pudding served with cream and maple syrup. 😂 Obviously their cuisine translation app went awray, or they instinctively knew a Yorkshireman when they saw one. To give them credit, it was a mighty fine Yorkshire pudding so we ate them, with the cream and syrup, for dessert.

And now for the moment you’ve been waiting for..,

Japanese Toilet Roulette

Japanese toilet roulette is a fun game to play here. Firstly, you sit on the unnaturally-hot heated toilet seat, which is a weird sensation to begin with as it’s far hotter than ambient bottom temperature. Then you start to play by pressing a random button because, unlike European imitations, you can’t read the instructions, so it’s anyones guess what is going to happen.

If you’re lucky it will just flush, or you’ll get a pleasant, warm and somewhat damp sensation in your nether regions. If you’re unlucky, a stinging jet of hot water will suddenly strike your gentlemen/or ladies parts, depending on which you are endowed with. If you’re really unlucky, an articulating mechanical arm will appear and do god-knows-what to you’re dangly bits. I’m just speculating about the mechanical arm as I have never actually experienced this but, knowing the cunning of Japanese toilet scientists, such a device could well be lurking under the rim so my advice would always to be hyper-vigilant and be ready for a quick dismount à la Nadia Comãneci. (Any kids reading who need to Google Nadia are too young to read about toilet roulette!)

STOP PRESS: Toilet roulette update:

Earlier this evening Brigitte discovered that the odds for a poor toilet roulette outcome can be significantly increased if you find one incorporating a blow dryer!! She set it too high and toasted the parts of her anatomy that just aren’t meant for toasting. We now need to find out the Japanese for ‘rubber ring’ or the train journey to Hakone tomorrow is going to be very painful for her 😅

Tomorrow leave Tokyo for Hakone on the bullet train so this is my last post from here .

Postscript. Thank you Charlie for pointing out that the Japanese don’t steal umbrellas because the punishment is to have the umbrella inserted up the offender’s trouser leg and opened!

22:44 8th May 2023 – Park Hotel, Tokyo